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Exodus: Chronology of an Apostate (Part 1)

I think my mother was always suspicious of the sincerity of my faith, even when my faith was at its most sincere. I suspect she expected Jesus to take the edges off me as a child and make her job as a parent more amiable. She expected my relationship with Jesus to bear fruit, and she expected that fruit to come in the form of a less obstinate, more respectful, and more obedient child. So it didn't matter how regularly I had morning devotions, how high I raised my hands in worship, or how many bible verses I memorized, because I continued to do things like order a sub on the local gas station's new touch screen order kiosks after she had explicitly instructed me NOT to play around with said touch screens, and so in her mind something here was not adding up; clearly I wasn't sufficiently sincere in my servitude to the Almighty to become the good Christian boy that she (and God) wanted me to be.

Having one's piety under constant surveillance is a little like living with a …

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