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Dear Smart Buildings,

I spend a lot of time on corporate campuses. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that corporations love to construct buildings that look like this-





These buildings are invariably "smart." But the word smart here is a misnomer. These buildings are smart like Clippy the Paperclip from Microsoft Office 2000 was smart. 



And I despise these buildings for the same reason I hated Clippy: the meddling, ham-fisted hubris. The well-intentioned yet incompetent interference.

It's like the time a dear old lady in our office was put in charge of the group when we were tasked with baking a cake at an all-day team building workshop. It turned out she thought she was Betty Crocker, but we started to realize she wasn't at about the same time that she began to micromanage the shit out of everyone. First off, no one really cares how this cake turns out, MARGRET. We're just glad to be getting paid for a day of not working. Secondly, I know damn well we shouldn't …

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